The Hardest Thing
by MyLifeMyLove
Summary: In the early days of their relationship, Kensi and Callen's relationship gets put to the test. Can they handle it? Or will they fail? The one-shot I promised in my story "It Never Fails". You don't need to read that one to understand this or vice versa.


**So by request this is the one shot I talked about in my story 'It Never Fails'. You don't need to read that one to understand this one or read this one to understand that one. This story only coincides with my other one. **

**It's a C/K established relationship. Enjoy!**

~!~!~!~

She couldn't look away. The scene before her was drawing her in like a good movie. Forcing her eyes to stay glued to the people in front of her. Except this was one of her worst nightmares.

Special Agent Kensi Blye had seen many heart wrenching things in her life time. But right now she felt like someone had ripped out her heart and was stomping on it. She wasn't supposed to be feeling this way. What they had was just a casual thing. They were supposed to be able to walk away from it at any time. But now, she knew that if he was to ever leave her, she wouldn't be able to live without him. Something had changed between them in the last few months, and Kensi knew that he would run if he knew she felt this way.

They were supposed to be undercover. Callen was supposed to get close to Anna Tylers, the partner in a human trafficking ring that was targeting young navy women, by whatever means necessary. For days now they have been going to local restaurants and clubs on dates and for every single one Kensi had been sitting on the other side of the building watching them grow closer and closer physically with each passing day. So far the only thing she had witnessed was the random touching of the other or a few kisses here and there, but the female agent knew that it was only a matter of time before they progressed to something more serious. Tonight seemed to be that night however.

It was only by sheer coincidence that another member of the trafficking ring came up to Kensi that night.

"Any reason your sitting here drinking alone?" he asked sitting down next to Kensi and breaking her out of her trance.

"What makes you think I'm here alone?"

"I've been watching you for a while. You didn't come in with anyone and haven't talked to anyone." He laughed as she raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. "I'm a very observant person."

"You might want to be careful. You're getting into stalker territory."

"Kevin Martin."

"Claire Grant."

"So you didn't answer my original question?"

"Which was?"

"Why you're here drinking alone."

"Why are you drinking alone?"

"Answering a question with a question, a very defensive move there Claire. But I, in fact, am not here alone. I'm meeting a business associate of mine but I'm giving her a little bit of time with her new interest." He turned around and point toward Callen and the target who were sitting in the back corner. "My question now."

Kensi chuckled and shook her head trying to keep the image of Callen and the suspect making out in the corner out of her head. "Just got back from active duty and needed to clear my head for a little bit. I just didn't think that there would be this many people here tonight." Kensi lied with ease. It wasn't a story that she had prepared before but it was easy to come up with on the spot. She also knew that it would keep him interested in her even if it was only for 'business'.

"Ah yes this place is always pretty crowded even on weekdays. A lot of soldiers and police come to this bar to do exactly that, clear their heads. What are you?"

"Petty officer in the navy. Just got back from a tour in Iraq." She continued, trying to keep it simple so she could keep it straight later on.

"Why don't you come join us? I would love to get to know you more and it would keep you from drinking alone for the rest of the night."

"Sure." She said through a tight smile. The last thing she wanted to do right now was watch Callen with another woman from across a table. It was bad enough across the bar.

Slowly, she got up from the stool and walked with Martin to the corner that Callen had taken up residence. She didn't say anything when he put his hand on her back to guide her to the table. Her face showed no recognition of Callen when they were introduced. She did however see the flash of confusion and shock that went through Callen almost immediately as they arrived at the table. But you wouldn't have known it had happened if you didn't know him as well as Kensi did.

The female agent didn't say much as they sat their talking. Callen was joining in on whatever the suspect was talking about and occasionally give Anna a few kisses some of them turned into longer make out sessions that had to be stopped by a clearing of the throat from either Kensi or Martin. If Callen knew this was affecting Kensi then he kept it hidden from her.

That was how the rest of the night went. They would make small talk and in between Callen and Anna would suck face for a little bit. Every time it happened, Martin would look over at Kensi as if apologizing for his colleagues actions. Martin walked her to her car and that was the last she saw of him. She heard from a few sources that he was looking for her but nothing that kept her on high alert when she was out.

~!~!~!~

The next day Kensi asked to be taken off the assignment. She told Macy that she didn't want to be made a victim by martins instead of the truth; she couldn't handle seeing Callen again after that night. It took her days to get the image of the two of them out of her head, and even after she would still see them sometimes when she fell asleep.

She wasn't at the raid three weeks later when they finally took the organization down but she was there when everyone returned to OSP. The female agent watched from the other side of the room as Sam, Callen and Renko walked into MTAC. They were joking around about the raid as they went and reported to Macy.

Watching him laughing and smiling was too much for Kensi. She couldn't look at him like that and not think about how he was having fun while she was dying a little inside. So without talking to anyone she slipped out of the room and left before anyone noticed her.

~!~!~!~

"You left without saying anything." Kensi jumped a little bit but knew exactly who the voice behind her belonged to.

"I didn't think there was anything to say." She said quietly continuing to wash the dishes that had piled up from the week. She didn't turn around but could hear him take a few steps toward her before stopping in the middle of the room.

"You also took yourself off the mission after our double date."

"I didn't want to get caught up with them. I told them I was navy. They would have tried to take me too."

"I wouldn't have let that happen.' He spoke right in her ear. She hadn't heard him come up directly behind her and tensed up when she felt his breath on her neck. "Why did you really leave?"

"I couldn't-I can't-I can't do this Callen!" she pushed away from him and walked to the other side of the room. "I can't pretend anymore that watching you with some girl in a bar isn't hurting me inside. I couldn't watch it anymore and not blow our cover."

He stared at her for a moment, challenging her to say something else. But Kensi Blye always stood her ground. Now that it was out in the open she had to stay there to see the outcome of this. She had to know if there was something between her and Callen other than colleagues.

After what seemed like forever, Kensi watched Callen's walls fall down from around him. His face and eyes visible softened and he didn't seem to be able to say anything to her. "We were supposed to be able to walk away from this."

"I don't know if I can do that now." She countered. He was affected by this statement. Visibly too. He began pacing along the length of her kitchen and muttering under his breath phrases that Kensi couldn't make out. She watched him for a few moments before hoisting herself up on the counter behind her. When she did this it seemed to break him out of trance and he looked up at her like he was seeing her for the first time.

"How long have you felt like this?"

"A while probably. I only just realized it when I was watching you suck face with another girl."

"I had to Kenz-"

"I know you had to but that doesn't make it any easier."

"We weren't supposed to get attached."

"Too late. It was going to happen eventually. We may be trained federal agents but were also human."

He watched her for a moment trying to figure out what to say next. "I've never been in a stable relationship."

"Haven't been in one since Jack."

"No one can know. We could lose our jobs or be transferred to a different office. Or be used as a target for suspects."

"Risk we take every day."

Callen stared at her trying to figure out what was going through her head. She didn't show any emotion in her face or eyes. She stared blankly but intently at him, waiting for him to make a move.

Suddenly, Callen rushed over to her and pushed his lips against hers in a fierce kiss. He stepped between her legs and felt her entire body mold against his as their hands searched everywhere that they possibly could. After a few minutes they had to pull away for air. Callen rested his forehead against hers.

"You know you overreacted right? I was undercover it didn't mean anything."

"Ugh, G!" Kensi pushed him away from her and hopped down from the counter. "You're missing the whole point! I know it's going to happen again, but that doesn't mean I want to watch it. You have to know that this isn't just random hook-ups anymore for me. I care about you Callen and I even though I don't like seeing you with other women, it's part of our job. Doesn't mean I have to like it."

"You think I wanted to make out with her? To have you sitting there watching us? Pretending you were having a few drinks with that guy? Something changed for me too, Kenz!" Callen yelled at her.

"Then where does that leave us now?" Kensi said after a few minutes. The two of them were now at opposite sides of the kitchen glaring at the other, but there was no longer anger in their faces.

"We take it one day at a time. See where it takes us." Callen said softly. Kensi nodded but didn't say anything in return. Callen took a couple steps toward her but stopped a few feet in front of her trying to see if she would run or not. "All I know," he took a few more steps until he was standing directly in front of her, "is that I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you. Not now."

Kensi didn't say anything in response. She smiled softly and grabbed his hand pulling him out of the kitchen and into her bedroom. Leaving the drama of the last case behind them for the rest of the night.

**So there you go. The oneshot I promised. I know it took a while but I wanted to get it just right and I got it as close as I could. Let me know what you think. Thanks!**


End file.
